Personal Law > Family > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

It can be a single incident or a pattern of incidents of behaviour that is coercive, threatening or controlling over a period of time.

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We will work with you to look at options available to you and can rapidly issue Court proceedings to provide emergency protection.

Whatever your situation; whether you are financially dependent on the abuser or if you have children who rely on you, we can assess your unique case and give you the support and the best guidance possible to protect you during this difficult time. Where appropriate, we can assist with applying to the Court for protective injunctions known as Non-Molestation and/or Occupation Orders. Whilst a Non-Molestation Order provides you with protection from harm actionable by the police if breached, an Occupation Order allows the victim of violence to live free from the risk of harm in a property that previously, both parties had the right to occupy.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse you can also contact the following:

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Some of the reasons people stay might be:

Fear - The fear that women in particular feel about leaving an abusive relationship is very real. Many of the women who are killed by their partner or ex- partner die within the first month of leaving the relationship.  The risk remains high for the first year.

Threats - Abusers also use threats to harm themselves, relatives, children or pets to control their partner, so people stay in order to protect others.

Shame or guilt - Abusers will often tell their victim that the abuse is their fault and, if they would just stop doing x, the abuse would stop.  As abusers slowly erode the confidence of their victim, the person starts to believe that they are at fault and will change their own behaviour as a result. Some people worry that no-one will believe them if they disclose the abuse, as perpetrators are often charming to the outside world.  Some people also fear the reaction of their family or community if they were to leave, for example their culture or faith may frown upon women who leave a marriage.

Lack of confidence and low self- esteem - Being constantly told that you are worthless will eventually erode anyone’s confidence.  people subjected to domestic abuse and violence live in constant fear and suffer trauma on a daily basis, which can result in them feeling confused, worthless and unable to make decisions.

Practical reasons - There are many practical reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship, for example a lack of money or insecure immigration status.  Practical reasons may also include not wanting to leave pets behind.

Isolation - Abusers often use isolation as a way of controlling their partner.  By cutting them off from their support network and the outside world, there is less opportunity for the victim to recognise what is happening to them is wrong, or to seek help.  Perpetrators of abuse often try to make their partner totally reliable on them, to disempower them completely.

Hope - Sometimes the abusive person might promise to change and that if circumstances change the abusive will stop. (Link to cycle of abuse)

Love - The person may love their abuser, which can be very confusing for them.

Children - Some people may feel it is best for the children to stay in a stable home with both parents and may not understand that children are affected by the abuse, even if they don’t see it. The abusive partner may also have threatened to take or harm the children

What are the effects of domestic abuse?

The effects of domestic abuse vary from person to person and depend on each individual’s experience. The effects can become worse over time, and they can take a long time to recover from.

Emotional: The most common feature of living in an abusive relationship is suffering emotional or psychological abuse. The effects of this are extremely harmful.

Emotional abuse includes name calling, being constantly put down, having someone control what you do or what you wear, being isolated from friends and family, making you feel you are responsible for the abuse, criticising parenting, threatening family or friends, or making unreasonable demands.

Experiencing some or all of these things will have an effect on self-esteem and confidence levels, cause depression and feelings of worthlessness and can lead to eating disorders or psychosomatic illnesses.

Physical: Some people who are living in abusive relationships will never or rarely be victims of physical violence and some will experience it regularly. Many people who experience physical violence live with painful injuries that go undiagnosed and sometimes they are prevented from seeking medical help. Research also shows that physical violence can escalate in a relationship. In extreme cases physical violence can lead to murder - two women a week are killed by a current or ex partner.

It is important to remember that physical violence is only one indicator of domestic abuse and may not be the main feature of the abusive relationship.

Sexual: For many people living in a violent relationship, sexual abuse occurs on an occasional or regular basis. This can include rape, putting pressure on you to take part in things you don’t feel comfortable with and/or forcing you to have sex with other people. This can increase the chances of you contracting a sexually transmitted illness, cause physical injury and has serious emotional effects.

Other effects of living with domestic abuse can include suffering financial hardship, losing employment and potential homelessness

What are the signs that I’m being abused?

Every relationship is different and this is true of abusive relationships. However, as well as actual physical violence there are some common signs that your relationship is unequal or abusive. These include:

  • Your partner being jealous or over possessive,

  • You feeling nervous about how your partner might react of you tell them something difficult,

  • Your partner blaming you for when they get angry,

  • You being frightened to see certain friends of family members because of your partners views of them,

  • Your partner embarrassing you in front of family or friends,

  • You feeling out of control,

  • Your partner never praising you for your achievements,

  • Feeling that you can’t do anything right most of the time,

  • Your partner keeping you away from friends and family.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Abusive people are often more emotionally abusive than physically abusive, and some victims of abuse never or rarely experience physical violence. Emotional abuse can include insults, controlling behaviour, threats - sometimes to harm you and sometimes to harm themselves, tantrums and unpredictable behaviour. These forms of abuse can have long-lasting impacts on adults and children, but they can sometimes be hard to pin down as abusive.
The person you fell in love with probably wasn't abusive to you when you first fell in love with them. In fact, abusive partners often initially appear completely the opposite being charming, kind, attentive and eager to commit. As a result of this, normally people will see the non-abusive side of their partner as 'the real them' and the abusive side as not really them and something that may well have been caused by some kind of life experience. Sadly, however, the abusive part of them is as much a part of the 'real' them as the non-abusive part and sometimes more so. It can be that they are kind or do something nice as a means to an end rather than kindness for its own sake. Part of being able to deal with domestic abuse involves starting to accept that you can't have one part of this person without the other, unless they accept responsibility for their actions and get help through things such as perpetrator programmes to address their issues.
People can change their behaviour, but they must want to change. Many perpetrators promise to get help - particularly after they have been physically violent - but often they forget this promise after a few weeks. There are ‘perpetrators programmes’ available. programmes are generally 6 - 9 months long and they work with abusive people to help them change.
No is the short answer to this. It is quite common for abusive people to blame the victim as a way of avoiding taking responsibility for their actions. It is normal for people in relationships to become irritated at times and to argue. It is not normal for one person to control, assault, manipulate and / or bully another and you are not to blame for this happening.
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